Sigh. It happened again. I just got back from 10 days of travel and am working to catch up. I have a long list to get through today of stuff. Lots of people needed responses from me. I needed to set a boundary and asked someone I’m working with on a project to give me a hard deadline. I said I do better with deadlines than with multiple reminders. This individual was “surprised” by my response and replied that the intention was not to pester but to make sure the project went well.

Then of course, I got flustered, apologized, recanted my boundary and immediately started doing what they asked me to do even though it was neither a high priority nor related to work or school. It ended up eating up my day and I’m so frustrated with myself for being so sensitive to a texted response and feeling like I had to explain myself and that I shouldn’t actually set boundaries.

It always seems that when I ask for something to be done my way, or in a way that matches my best traits and skills, it goes over like a lead balloon. People expect the friendly, easy-going response and when I feel protective of my time or talents, my fear of not being liked kicks in and I fold.

I did recover and get a school assignment done, but now I have to take the late afternoon to do work that should have been done this morning. And feel foolish about myself again.

It’s hard being a wishy washy sponge of an insecure people-pleaser. I don’t recommend it.

My two settings are apparently “Always says yes” and “Whoa, what’s up with her” with nothing in between.

Here’s a photo on film that shows the results of trying to take a photo in the rain without wiping off the lens.