I am on a suicide watch for a friend (seriously) so not much sleep last night and now I wait for her call to know if she made it through the night. She lives in an assisted living facility, so she’s not alone, but the fact that she hasn’t called has my mind racing as to whether something actually happened this time or if this is her regular monthly suicide threat to manipulate me into spending more time with her and she’s merely sleeping soundly. I try to keep my blog happy so I don’t say too much about this, but this relationship has become a really big part of my life and sometimes it gets to be a little heavy on my shoulders. A dear friend who also knows A. went over with me last night to try and calm her down, pray with her and get her settled into bed. Now it’s just hour by hour to try and convince her not to take her life. It is so painful to see her empty eyes and feel her despair.
So, in the midst of someone else’s darkness, I tried to focus on my own light. I spent some time in the space before and after my 4 hours of trying to sleep making this collage of my son Johnathan at the temple last week. He is preparing to serve his mission for our church in September and one of the important steps of preparation is attending the temple for the first time. It is a rite of passage for a latter-day saint-a special worship service that involves the making of promises and receiving of blessings–it signifies a deepening commitment to one’s faith. For a parent who tries to transmit values and hopes a child will choose a path that I believe will yield the happiest possible life, it is a lovely thing to see this child choose to take this step. It means that he has chosen this religion for himself and is starting to act on his own belief, rather than rely on the example and routines of his family.
Well, my friend just called. She’s still alive. I guess I can get on with my day, at least for now. Thanks for reading.
My Red Door Days 